La Realidad

In the context of the Casa and in conversation with Salvadorans, a quite common theme is ¨la realidad¨ of life in the El Salvador. I´ve been seeing some of this reality, but have been mostly numb to it... that is, until yesterday when we visited Las Nubes, a community of poor Salvadorans living on a volcano. The people we visited told of their sufferings, of the powerlessness, frustration, and despair that they feel. In Las Nubes, there is no running or potable water, no electricity, no doctors, and very little money. Family members get sick and die often, and when it doesn´t rain, there´s no water. Two families explained that they earn about $4.16 a day (altogether) for nine hours of work that may or may not be possible tomorrow. As we climbed the mountain, we were bitten by mosquitoes, attacked by fire ants (whose bites feel like fire!) and burned in the sun. Then the heavy rains came and we were soaked through. It was difficult to climb the mountain, to bear the bites & the rain. Standing near one of the families´ tiny huts (made of mud, bamboo, and tin) I couldn´t wait to get home, to put medicine on my bites, to take a shower to wash off the mud, to escape the pain that they shared with us. And I realized that for these people, there is no escape. No other place to run to, no showers, medicine, nor light when it´s dark outside. ¨La realidad¨ is just that- their everyday existence. For me, the 3 hour visit felt like too much to bear.

I came home feeling deeply sad, angry, confused, overwhelmed. I wanted to cry, to yell, to blame someone or something. Instead, I ate dinner with my classmates. Just before bed I remembered some advice from Dean Brackley, a Jesuit who gave us a welcome talk. He challenged us to fall in love with El Salvador and to let it break our hearts, to let it ¨ruin us for life.¨ He said that our moments of feeling powerlessness, heartbroken, of knowing deep despair are ¨privileged moments of grace,¨ that they are likely the closest we´ll get to understanding the feelings of the poor. He encouraged us to be present to and grateful for these moments, these treasures that are teaching us.

So, I am practicing compassion, letting my heart break. That is why I came here-- to deepen my compassion, to meet people I can´t forget, to break old patterns of shutting out suffering that I find difficult to bear. It hurts. And I am practicing.

¨May God break my heart so completely that the whole world falls in.¨ — Mother Teresa